Optimism

I'm staring at the screen smiling right now.  You know, in case you were curious. No, I haven't found the job of my dreams or won the lottery or anything, but today seems much more manageable then yesterday. I bit the bullet and applied for a night shift at a 24 hour diner, so that I can still look for work during the day. I'm supposed to go in tomorrow for them to check me out, so wish me the best. I also have another interview tomorrow for a job handing out surveys on a street corner - again, not exactly  the same level as being hired by, say, HBO but at least it would be two weeks of steady money.  We're trying to shoot a few more scenes of a film I am working on later this week so that will be some work too, though not much.

I hope by writing about these interviews I haven't jinxed them, but having my day start out with two potential job nibbles has brightened everything.  Being unemployed, or even underemployed, starts to really really drain your optimism and your self esteem after a while.  It doesn't take much for me for it to all bounce back - I'm a basically happy person with a fairly stable sense of self worth. But after months of only working a few days here and there and counting pennies, even my generally annoyingly cheerful attitude dims down a few notches.

So we'll see how it goes tomorrow.  I'll either be back to being a Pollyanna or continue on with my teenage sulk phase.

Eggplant

I've decided, after a lifetime of looking askance at it, that I love eggplant. This love affair started years ago, when I working at TGIF and they had this fried mozzarella and eggplant sandwich, but I resisted.  The mozzarella got all my attention while the eggplant stood by watching sadly.  But now I've finally realized the error of my ways. The eggplant was the true star, all those years ago, and I finally know it.

In other words, I've started frying up eggplant with just some salt, olive oil, garlic and curry powder and dumping it on a plate full of rice and it is delicious. So simple, so good.  That is what I look for in all my favorite recipes - I can make it with relatively little effort for a big payoff.  One day, when I have a larger kitchen, I may become more ambitious with my cooking but right now the one or two pot dishes are ruling.  And eggplant is, at the moment, leading the pack.

P.S. I should try to make that curry again, that I blogged about months ago...I'd kind of forgotten about it, but it was really good. And eggplant heavy.

Digging my way out

I'm in a rut. This is largely due to having too much time and not enough money - in short, since I'm freelancing I have large chunks of time when I don't have any work to do, and therefore no money coming in.  Since I don't have money to spend I end up home on the computer all day.  This isn't healthy and it isn't productive.  I job hunt every day, but let's be serious - applying to jobs only takes an hour, max, if that.  After that, the rest of the day just looms up.  I'm sleeping too much, online too much, sitting too much, just generally wasting my life right now.

What I've been saying I'm going to do, and what I need to do, is find myself a night job or some kind of part time job so even when I don't have film or tv stuff happening, I still have a reason to leave the house.  It will also alleviate the money stress a lot, since when I don't have film stuff happening I've been falling back on UE income, which I'm almost out of (since I didn't live in NY originally when I applied for it, and applied as an out of state worker, I'm not eligible for most of the extensions).  This has been really stressing me out. I HATE that I'm 26 and don't have a reliable source of income, can't afford to go out, can't buy myself the occasional treat, and am just generally broke and discouraged.

I've been applying religiously to jobs, but I think that I need to switch things up. Just find some kind of income producing job. It doesn't mean I give up or that I can't still try to find the perfect  job, but if I have to waitress somewhere for a few months it's not the end of the world. It does feel a bit like failure, but I know I need to do it.

That being said, I've actually tried to get waitressing jobs before (though I could probably try harder).  It's not actually that easy right now either. The recession has hit the restaurant industry hard, but I really don't want to work retail - I'm horrible at earning commission and those jobs pay terribly.  I don't know that I could even make my bills on a retail job salary.  Not that those jobs are falling out of trees either. Catering is great, but really unreliable and even working for (now) three companies, I only get a couple days a month usually.

So basically, I'm at a point where even getting a restaurant job is seeming like an insurmountable challenge.

So I'm in a rut. Now I just need to find a way out.

Tavern on the Green

I occasionally cater to make some extra (extra, who are we kidding?) money.  I enjoy it actually, as it means interacting with people and it is easy, well paying work. You just have to smile and be willing to be as helpful as possible. These are traits I am perhaps overburdened with in my everyday life anyway, so it works for me.

Yesterday I worked at the New Year's Eve party at Tavern on the Green. It wasn't the fanciest party I've ever worked, but it was probably the biggest, and it definitely made the most news. Last night was the last night that Tavern on the Green, a NYC staple, will be open.  The city is now going to be renting the land to someone else.

The party itself was crazy, like absolutely packed full of people.  I'm not claustrophobic at all, but I started to feel a bit sick and I'm thinking the absolute lack of breathing room (that and the yummy shrimp) may be to blame.  I wasn't the only one - I heard someone else fainted and I personally witnessed one extremely drunk, unconscious woman end her evening in the back of an ambulance.  Classy.  Classic actually, in a New Year's Eve type of way.  Nevertheless it was a perfectly appropriate sendoff for such a historic building.  Plenty of free booze, great food, and lots (lots!) of people.

My job was seating people and bringing them their vodka and gift baskets, so not exactly rocket science.  We were done by midnight and able to all have a glass of champagne together to ring in the new year. I wish I could have been with my boyfriend, but making history at one of the biggest parties at one of the most legendary locations in one of the best cities in the world wasn't bad either.  I didn't even have to use my pepper spray going home - I've had it for month and haven't needed it yet.  Would that be considered intelligent spending?

So Happy New Year all, and I hope everybody had a happy and healthy one! No ambulances for you. My resolution is simple - more money next year.  I hope the same for all of you.

"Fat"

People online has a new slideshow up of celebrity weight loss "winners." That's fine I guess (though I think Tyra looked better in the slightly heavier photo) but three of the women in their before picture are pregnant. Pregnant is not fat! Pregnant does not count as a weight loss before picture! Are they kidding?

Self pity

I actually planned my Farmville crops around a job I thought I was going to have tomorrow.  This is sad just on its own because it means I spend far too much time online (not that I'm judging anyone reading this. I love you. Keep coming back).  This is made sadder by the fact that I am no longer working tomorrow, though thankfully still working the next day.  I am feeling a little self pitying at the moment - while I've found work this past year to some extent, I have not worked as much as I would have liked to and things have been financially tight basically this whole year.  Like really tight. I'm tired of being on and off unemployment.  I'd love to land a feature or a tv show (or even a long short!) and get a couple solid months of financial security this coming year. I'd love to actually crack $30,000 - TMI, but I have yet to do that and I'm three years out of school now.

Not that my life sucks or anything. The good thing is I get to spend time with my bf's family tomorrow, maybe, and almost certainly to spend time with bf himself.  The good thing is I'm still working the day after, though I wish I could spend New Year's with my bf instead of with strangers. The good thing is that I have food and shelter and clothing and pretty new bags (shout out to my fashion savvy friend for her awesome gift).

There's a lot of good things this year.  I'm hoping next year my family and friends continue to be safe and happy, but frankly, I'm also hoping for a little bit more money. I'm hoping for health insurance.  I'm hoping for a career I can brag, just a little bit, about.  I'm smart and hardworking (does anyone else do the SNL self help skit voice when praising themselves? Is it just me?) and I deserve it. I'm hoping to one day be able to have enough money that I can have kids and afford them, that I can have a nice apartment and afford it, and that I can take the odd little vacation and (say it with me) afford it.  My grandfather in Italy is 92, for god's sake, and if I don't get over there soon I'm going to really regret it.

Anyway, that's it for the self pity for now. Every now and then I just need to get it out. There's a million people out there worse off and I doubt that I'll end up on the streets, no matter how bad it gets.  That's what a loving family and friend network gets you. Still, any good vibes sent my way wouldn't be taken amiss.

Rolling my way into the New Year

I love Christmas. I love buying gifts (not the financial part so much this year), I love getting gifts (oh yes I do. I am five when it comes to opening gifts), I love the food and the good will and getting to see friends and family.  This year has been wonderful. I spent Christmas Eve cooking.

I made:
Chicken.
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing. I mean I lifted the skin of the chicken and stuffed it there too. There's more stuffing then chicken.
Mashed Potatoes
Wild Rice
Spinach
Stuffed Mushrooms
Cornbread
2 Key Lime Pies
Cheese and bread and salame to start off with.

This was all for me and my boyfriend.  We did not get to the pie, which was fine because I planned to bring one each to my friend and my boyfriend's family.  I also made baked cucumber, but am not counting that because I thought it was zucchini.  Oops. My boyfriend just about fell off his chair when he realized, and he got an inordinate amount of enjoyment retelling this to family and friends. Just one more little Christmas gift for him, I guess.

I also did not really get around to decorating the tree, since my bf brought it over on the 23rd and I was busy shopping and cooking. It is still really cute though.

There were eventually a few more gifts under it.  The large package, a bread maker for my bf, did not end up going over well so we're going to go exchange it at some point this week. I knew it was a risky gift but he does like to bake his own bread...oh well. Not every gift can be a winner.

Christmas itself was spent with a great friend, a former college room mate, at her mom's house. Which I love because it is just so cozy and comfortable.  They know how to do Christmas right, too. We had a big brunch, with liberal applications of mimosa added in. Then we went for a walk to make more room and continued on to pie and wine. Then more wine. Then beer. Then drinking games (with more beer).  The drinking game, by the way, accompanied what is perhaps the worst movie ever produced, Saving Sara Caine.  Oh god.

In between all this we exchanged gifts (I got a belated birthday gift and more wine).  Then we staggered back to the train to get back to NY after a wholly satisfying day.  The next day we were back on the train to head to my bf's family.  I slept on the train, and also on the armchair after a large dinner at a nearby Chinese restaurant (one of those places where the chef sets the table on fire and flings hot food towards your face.  Fun, but a little daunting if you know yourself to be, say, just slightly klutzy).  There was a good deal of wine on offer here too.

So, basically, I have taken the first steps to a lifelong problem with alcohol this holiday season. Ok, not really, but how do recovering addicts do it? If any more alcohol had been flung down my throat I would have had to swim home instead of taking the train.  Which is just how I like my holiday celebrations.  Lots of food, drink, friends and family.  So Merry belated Christmas (and Hanukah and Kwanzaa and etc.) to everyone and I hope everyone had as good a time as me.