Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Self pity

I actually planned my Farmville crops around a job I thought I was going to have tomorrow.  This is sad just on its own because it means I spend far too much time online (not that I'm judging anyone reading this. I love you. Keep coming back).  This is made sadder by the fact that I am no longer working tomorrow, though thankfully still working the next day.  I am feeling a little self pitying at the moment - while I've found work this past year to some extent, I have not worked as much as I would have liked to and things have been financially tight basically this whole year.  Like really tight. I'm tired of being on and off unemployment.  I'd love to land a feature or a tv show (or even a long short!) and get a couple solid months of financial security this coming year. I'd love to actually crack $30,000 - TMI, but I have yet to do that and I'm three years out of school now.

Not that my life sucks or anything. The good thing is I get to spend time with my bf's family tomorrow, maybe, and almost certainly to spend time with bf himself.  The good thing is I'm still working the day after, though I wish I could spend New Year's with my bf instead of with strangers. The good thing is that I have food and shelter and clothing and pretty new bags (shout out to my fashion savvy friend for her awesome gift).

There's a lot of good things this year.  I'm hoping next year my family and friends continue to be safe and happy, but frankly, I'm also hoping for a little bit more money. I'm hoping for health insurance.  I'm hoping for a career I can brag, just a little bit, about.  I'm smart and hardworking (does anyone else do the SNL self help skit voice when praising themselves? Is it just me?) and I deserve it. I'm hoping to one day be able to have enough money that I can have kids and afford them, that I can have a nice apartment and afford it, and that I can take the odd little vacation and (say it with me) afford it.  My grandfather in Italy is 92, for god's sake, and if I don't get over there soon I'm going to really regret it.

Anyway, that's it for the self pity for now. Every now and then I just need to get it out. There's a million people out there worse off and I doubt that I'll end up on the streets, no matter how bad it gets.  That's what a loving family and friend network gets you. Still, any good vibes sent my way wouldn't be taken amiss.

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